This morning it hit me how I can bring myself down to a point where I absolutely hate myself. I wish I could stop doing that, I would spend hours thinking about things that don’t matter, and I have no proof of. I promise you I say and think “What If” about 500 time a day.
I’m really freaking out about so so many things right now. I wish stressing burned calories.. Id be super thin in no time! Only time that my mind is really quiet is when I’m jogging or busy with a work out or work. But then Reality hits and I start panicking .
Reality to me right now is..
- I’m writing my final exams in less than a month
- I’m going away from home for 8 weeks for those exams
- The guy I like is ignoring me and I don’t know why
- I have to take control of a really big situation
- I need a million hugs
- I need someone to just hold me and tell me that I’m going to be okay
- I need someone to see that i’m struggling
- I need freedom
- I need some time to myself to clear my mind
If I could be left alone right now for just a few days I can change my life in a MASSIVE way. I need time and I need people to just leave me alone for a little while, and at the same time I need someone to just step in and help me with life.
I’m worth it! I get up every morning and say this is a new day and I’m going to do my absolute best. Yes 90% of the time I will fail. But I try. And trying has made me 12kg’s lighter and a lot fitter.
When I started out…I couldn’t do one push up. I can now easily do 20 or more. That’s Progress! My wish for the last 4 months of 2016 is to lose the last 20kg’s and become fit. So that next year I can take part in all the things I’ve always wanted.
This morning it hit me that I’m still young. I need to get my body right so I can start moving and living. My prayer for 2017 is to have a freakin awesome, adventure filled year. and I know I’ll have one. But first …. I need change!